MUCH ADO ABOUT NOTHING ACT 1

PERSONS REPRESENTED

DON PEDRO: prince of Arragon, DON JOHN: his bastard brother, CLAUDIO: a young lord of Florence, BENEDICK: a young lord of Padua, LEONATO: governor of Messina, ANTONIO: his brother, {CONRADE, BORACHIO followers of Don John}, FRIAR FRANCIS, DOGBERRY: a constable, A Sexton, HERO: daughter to Leonato, BEATRICE: niece to Leonato, {MARGARET, URSULA gentlewomen attending on Hero}, Messengers, Watchman.

SCENE: Messina.

Act 1, Scene 1 in Leonato’s house

[Enter LEONATO, HERO, and BEATRICE, with a Messenger]

LEONATO: I learn in this letter that Don Pedro of Arragon comes this night to Messina.

Messenger: He is very nearby this: he was not three leagues off when I left him.

LEONATO: How many gentlemen have you lost in this action?  

Messenger: But few of any sort, and none of name.

LEONATO: A victory is twice itself when the achiever brings home full numbers. I find here that Don Peter hath bestowed much honour on a young Florentine called Claudio.

Messenger: Much deserved on his part and equally remembered by Don Pedro: he hath borne himself beyond the promise of his age, doing, in the figure of a lamb, the feats of a lion: he hath indeed better bettered expectation than you must expect of me to tell you how.   

LEONATO: He hath an uncle here in Messina will be very much glad of it.

BEATRICE: I pray you, is Signior Mountanto returned from the wars or no?

Messenger: I know none of that name, lady: there was none such in the army of any sort.    

LEONATO: What is he that you ask for, niece?

HERO: My cousin means Signior Benedick of Padua.

Messenger: O, he's returned; and as pleasant as ever he was.

BEATRICE: how many hath he killed and eaten in these wars? But how many hath he killed? for indeed I promised to eat all of his killing.

LEONATO: Faith, niece, you tax Signior Benedick too much; but he'll be meet with you, I doubt it not.

Messenger: He hath done good service, lady, in these wars.

BEATRICE: You had musty victual, and he hath holp to eat it: he is a very valiant trencherman; he hath an excellent stomach.

Messenger: And a good soldier too, lady.

BEATRICE: And a good soldier to a lady: but what is he to a lord?

Messenger: A lord to a lord, a man to a man; stuffed with all honourable virtues.

BEATRICE: It is so, indeed; he is no less than a stuffed man: but for the stuffing,--well, we are all mortal.

LEONATO: You must not, sir, mistake my niece. There is a kind of merry war betwixt Signior Benedick and her: they never meet but there's a skirmish of wit between them.

BEATRICE: Alas! he gets nothing by that. In our last conflict four of his five wits went halting off, and now is the whole man governed with one: so that if he have wit enough to keep himself warm, let him bear it for a difference between himself and his horse. Who is his companion now? He hath every month a new sworn brother.

Messenger: Is't possible?

BEATRICE: Very easily possible: he wears his faith but as the fashion of his hat; it ever changes with the next block.

Messenger: I see, lady, the gentleman is not in your books.

BEATRICE: No; an he were, I would burn my study. Who is his companion? Is there no young squarer now that will make a voyage with him to the devil?

Messenger: He is most in the company of the right noble Claudio.

BEATRICE: O Lord, he will hang upon him like a disease: he is sooner caught than the pestilence, and the taker runs presently mad. God help the noble Claudio! if he have caught the Benedick, it will cost him a thousand pound ere a' be cured.

Messenger: I will hold friends with you, lady.

BEATRICE: Do, good friend.

LEONATO: You will never run mad, niece.   

BEATRICE: No, not till a hot January.

Messenger: Don Pedro is approached.

[Enter DON PEDRO, DON JOHN, CLAUDIO & BENEDICK]

DON PEDRO: Good Signior Leonato, you are come to meet your trouble: the fashion of the world is to avoid cost, and you encounter it.    

LEONATO: Never came trouble to my house in the likeness of your grace: for trouble being gone, comfort should remain; but when you depart from me, sorrow abides and happiness takes his leave.

DON PEDRO: You embrace your charge too willingly. I think this is your daughter.

LEONATO: Her mother hath many times told me so.

BENEDICK: Were you in doubt, sir, that you asked her?

LEONATO: Signior Benedick, no; for then were you a child.

DON PEDRO: You have it full, Benedick: we may guess by this what you are, being a man. Truly, the lady fathers herself. Be happy, lady; for you are like an honourable father.

BENEDICK: If Signior Leonato be her father, she would not have his head on her shoulders for all Messina, as like him as she is.

BEATRICE: I wonder that you will still be talking, Signior Benedick: nobody marks you.

BENEDICK: What, my dear Lady Disdain! are you yet living?

BEATRICE: Is it possible disdain should die while she hath such meet food to feed it as Signior Benedick? Courtesy itself must convert to disdain, if you come in her presence.

BENEDICK: Then is courtesy a turncoat. But it is certain I am loved of all ladies, only you excepted: and I would I could find in my heart that I had not a hard heart; for, truly, I love none.

BEATRICE: A dear happiness to women: they would else have been troubled with a pernicious suitor. I thank God and my cold blood, I am of your humour for that: I had rather hear my dog bark at a crow than a man swear he loves me.

BENEDICK: God keep your ladyship still in that mind! so some gentleman or other shall 'scape a predestinate scratched face.     

BEATRICE: Scratching could not make it worse, an 'twere such a face as yours were.

BENEDICK: Well, you are a rare parrot-teacher.

BEATRICE: A bird of my tongue is better than a beast of yours.

BENEDICK: I would my horse had the speed of your tongue, and so good a continuer. But keep your way, i' God's name; I have done.

BEATRICE: You always end with a jade's trick: I know you of old.

DON PEDRO: That is the sum of all, Leonato. Signior Claudio and Signior Benedick, my dear friend Leonato hath invited you all. I tell him we shall stay here at the least a month; and he heartily prays some occasion may detain us longer. I dare swear he is no hypocrite, but prays from his heart.

LEONATO: If you swear, my lord, you shall not be forsworn.  [To DON JOHN] Let me bid you welcome, my lord: being reconciled to the prince your brother, I owe you all duty.

DON JOHN: I thank you: I am not of many words, but I thank you.

LEONATO: Please it your grace lead on?    

DON PEDRO: Your hand, Leonato; we will go together.

[Exeunt all except BENEDICK and CLAUDIO]

CLAUDIO: Benedick, didst thou note the daughter of Signior Leonato?

BENEDICK: I noted her not; but I looked on her.

CLAUDIO: Is she not a modest young lady?

BENEDICK: Do you question me, as an honest man should do, for my simple true judgment; or would you have me speak after my custom, as being a professed tyrant to their sex?

CLAUDIO: No; I pray thee speak in sober judgment.

BENEDICK: Why, i' faith, methinks she's too low for a high praise, too brown for a fair praise and too little for a great praise: only this commendation I can afford her, that were she other than she is, she were unhandsome; and being no other but as she is, I do not like her.

CLAUDIO: Thou thinkest I am in sport: I pray thee tell me truly how thou likest her.

BENEDICK: Would you buy her, that you inquire after her?

CLAUDIO: Can the world buy such a jewel?

BENEDICK: Yea, and a case to put it into. But speak you this with a sad brow? Come, in what key shall a man take you, to go in the song?

CLAUDIO: In mine eye she is the sweetest lady that ever I looked on.  

BENEDICK: I can see yet without spectacles and I see no such matter: there's her cousin, an she were not possessed with a fury, exceeds her as much in beauty as the first of May doth the last of December. But I hope you have no intent to turn husband, have you?     

CLAUDIO: I would scarce trust myself, though I had sworn the contrary, if Hero would be my wife.

BENEDICK: Is't come to this? Shall I never see a bachelor of three-score again? Go to, i' faith; an thou wilt needs thrust thy neck into a yoke, wear the print of it and sigh away Sundays. Look Don Pedro is returned to seek you.

[Re-enter DON PEDRO]

DON PEDRO: What secret hath held you here, that you followed not to Leonato's?   

BENEDICK: I would your grace would constrain me to tell.

DON PEDRO: I charge thee on thy allegiance.

BENEDICK: You hear, Count Claudio: I can be secret as a dumb man; I would have you think so; but, on my allegiance, mark you this, on my allegiance. He is in love. {DON PEDRO With who?} now that is your grace's part. Mark how short his answer is;--With Hero, Leonato's short daughter. examine your conscience: and so I leave you. [Exit]

CLAUDIO: O, my lord, When you went onward on this ended action, I look'd upon her with a soldier's eye, That liked, but had a rougher task in hand Than to drive liking to the name of love.

DON PEDRO: Thou wilt be like a lover presently And tire the hearer with a book of words. If thou dost love fair Hero, cherish it, And I will break with her and with her father, And thou shalt have her. Was't not to this end That thou began'st to twist so fine a story?

 [Exeunt]

Act 1, Scene 2 a room in Leonato’s house

[Enter LEONATO and ANTONIO, meeting]

LEONATO: How now, brother! Where is my cousin, your son? hath he provided this music?

ANTONIO: He is very busy about it. But, brother, I can tell you strange news that you yet dreamt not of.

LEONATO: Are they good?    

ANTONIO: As the event stamps them: but they have a good cover; they show well outward. The prince and Count Claudio, walking in a thick-pleached alley in mine orchard, were thus much overheard by a man of mine: the prince discovered to Claudio that he loved my niece your daughter and meant to acknowledge it this night in a dance: and if he found her accordant, he meant to take the present time by the top and instantly break with you of it.

LEONATO: Hath the fellow any wit that told you this?

ANTONIO: A good sharp fellow: I will send for him; and question him yourself.

LEONATO: No, no; we will hold it as a dream till it appear itself: but I will acquaint my daughter withal, that she may be the better prepared for an answer, if peradventure this be true. Go you and tell her of it. Cousins, you know what you have to do. O, I cry you mercy, friend; go you with me, and I will use your skill. Good cousin, have a care this busy time.

[Exeunt]

Act 1, Scene 3 the same

[Enter DON JOHN and CONRADE]

CONRADE: What the good-year, my lord! why are you thus out of measure sad?

DON JOHN: There is no measure in the occasion that breeds; therefore the sadness is without limit.

CONRADE: You should hear reason.  

DON JOHN: And when I have heard it, what blessing brings it?

CONRADE: If not a present remedy, at least a patient sufferance.

DON JOHN: I wonder that thou, being, as thou sayest thou art, born under Saturn, goest about to apply a moral medicine to a mortifying mischief. I cannot hide what I am.

CONRADE: Yea, but you must not make the full show of this till you may do it without controlment. You have of late stood out against your brother, and he hath ta'en you newly into his grace.

DON JOHN: I had rather be a canker in a hedge than a rose in his grace, and it better fits my blood to be disdained of all than to fashion a carriage to rob love from any: in this, though I cannot be said to be a flattering honest man, it must not be denied but I am a plain-dealing villain.

CONRADE: Can you make no use of your discontent?   

DON JOHN: I make all use of it, for I use it only. Who comes here? [Enter BORACHIO] What news, Borachio?

BORACHIO: I came yonder from a great supper: the prince your brother is royally entertained by Leonato: and I can give you intelligence of an intended marriage.

DON JOHN: Will it serve for any model to build mischief on? What is he for a fool that betroths himself to unquietness?

BORACHIO: Marry, it is your brother's right hand.    

DON JOHN: Who? the most exquisite Claudio?

BORACHIO: Even he.

DON JOHN: A proper squire! And who, and who? which way looks he?

BORACHIO: Marry, on Hero, the daughter and heir of Leonato.    

DON JOHN: A very forward March-chick! How came you to this?

BORACHIO: Being entertained for a perfumer, as I was smoking a musty room, comes me the prince and Claudio, hand in hand in sad conference: I whipt me behind the arras; and there heard it agreed upon that the prince should woo Hero for himself, and having obtained her, give her to Count Claudio.

DON JOHN: Come, come, let us thither: this may prove food to my displeasure. That young start-up hath all the glory of my overthrow: if I can cross him any way, I bless myself every way. You are both sure, and will assist me?

CONRADE: To the death, my lord.

DON JOHN: Let us to the great supper: their cheer is the greater that I am subdued. Would the cook were ofmy mind! Shall we go prove what's to be done?  

BORACHIO: We'll wait upon your lordship.

[Exeunt]

***To be Continue ACT 2

SC: The Bright Woman/yahya/ari