MUCH ADO ABOUT NOTHING ACT 3

Act 3, Scene 1 Leonato’s garden

[Enter HERO, MARGARET, and URSULA]

HERO: Good Margaret, run thee to the parlor; There shalt thou find my cousin Beatrice Proposing with the prince and Claudio. Is all of  her; say that thou overheard'st us; And bid her steal into the pleached bower, there will she hide her, To listen our purpose.

MARGARET: I'll make her come, I warrant you, presently. [Exit]

HERO: Now, Ursula, when Beatrice doth come, As we do trace this alley up and down, Our talk must only be of Benedick. When I do name him, let it be thy part               to praise him more than ever man did merit: My talk to thee must be how Benedick Is sick in love with Beatrice.

[Enter BEATRICE, behind]

Now begin; For look where Beatrice, like a lapwing, runsClose by the ground, to hear our conference.    

 [Approaching the bower]

URSULA: But are you sure That Benedick loves Beatrice so entirely?

HERO: So says the prince and my new-trothed lord.

URSULA: And did they bid you tell her of it, madam?     

HERO: They did entreat me to acquaint her of it; But I persuaded them, if they loved Benedick, To wish him wrestle with affection, And never to let Beatrice know of it.

URSULA: Why did you so? Doth not the gentleman Deserve as full as fortunate a bed As ever Beatrice shall couch upon?

HERO: O god of love! I know he doth deserve As much as may be yielded to a man: But Nature never framed a woman's heart Of prouder stuff than that of Beatrice; Disdain and scorn ride sparkling in her eyes, Misprising what they look on, and her wit Values itself so highly that to her All matter else seems weak: she cannot love, Nor take no shape nor project of affection, She is so self-endeared.

URSULA: Sure, I think so; And therefore certainly it were not good She knew his love, lest she make sport at it.    

HERO: Why, you speak truth. I never yet saw man, How wise, how noble, young, how rarely featured, But she would spell him backward.

URSULA: Sure, sure, such carping is not commendable.

HERO: No, not to be so odd and from all fashions As Beatrice is, cannot be commendable: But who dare tell her so?

URSULA: Yet tell her of it: hear what she will say.

HERO: No; rather I will go to Benedick And counsel him to fight against his passion. And, truly, I'll devise some honest slanders To stain my cousin with: one doth not know How much an ill word may empoison liking.

URSULA: O, do not do your cousin such a wrong. She cannot be so much without true judgment--Having so swift and excellent a wit As she is prized to have--as to refuse So rare a gentleman as Signior Benedick.

HERO: He is the only man of Italy. Always excepted my dear Claudio.    

URSULA: I pray you, be not angry with me, madam, Speaking my fancy: Signior Benedick, For shape, for bearing, argument and valour, Goes foremost in report through Italy.

HERO: Indeed, he hath an excellent good name.     

 [Exeunt HERO and URSULA]

BEATRICE: [Coming forward] What fire is in mine ears? Can this be true? Stand I condemn'd for pride and scorn so much? Contempt, farewell! and maiden pride, adieu! No glory lives behind the back of such. And, Benedick, love on; I will requite thee, Taming my wild heart to thy loving hand:If thou dost love, my kindness shall incite thee To bind our loves up in a holy band; For others say thou dost deserve, and I Believe it better than reportingly. [Exit]

Act 3, Scene 2 a room in Leonato’s house

[Enter DON PEDRO, CLAUDIO, BENEDICK, and LEONATO]

DON PEDRO: I do but stay till your marriage be consummate, and then go I toward Arragon.

CLAUDIO: I'll bring you thither, my lord, if you'll vouchsafe me.

DON PEDRO: I will only be bold with Benedick for his company; for, from the crown of his head to the sole of his foot, he is all mirth: he hath twice or thrice cut Cupid's bow-string and the little hangman dare not shoot at him; he hath a heart as sound as a bell and his tongue is the clapper, for what his heart thinks his tongue speaks.

BENEDICK: Gallants, I am not as I have been.     

 LEONATO: So say I: methinks you are sadder.

CLAUDIO: I hope he be in love.

DON PEDRO: Hang him, truant! there's no true drop of blood in him, to be truly touched with love: if he be sad, he wants money.    

BENEDICK: I have the toothache.

DON PEDRO: Draw it.

BENEDICK: Hang it!

CLAUDIO: You must hang it first, and draw it afterwards.

DON PEDRO: What! sigh for the toothache?     

LEONATO: Where is but a humour or a worm.

BENEDICK: Well, every one can master a grief but he that has it.

CLAUDIO: Yet say I, he is in love.

DON PEDRO: Hath any man seen him at the barber's?

CLAUDIO: No, but the barber's man hath been seen with him, and the old ornament of his cheek hath already stuffed tennis-balls.

LEONATO: Indeed, he looks younger than he did, by the loss of a beard.     

CLAUDIO: That's as much as to say, the sweet youth's in love.

DON PEDRO: The greatest note of it is his melancholy. She shall be buried with her face upwards.

BENEDICK: Yet is this no charm for the toothache. Old signior, walk aside with me: I have studied eight or nine wise words to speak to you, which these hobby-horses must not hear.     

[Exeunt BENEDICK and LEONATO]

DON PEDRO: For my life, to break with him about Beatrice.

CLAUDIO: 'Tis even so. Hero and Margaret have by this played their parts with Beatrice; and then the two bears will not bite one another when they meet.

[Enter DON JOHN]

DON JOHN: My lord and brother, God save you!     

DON PEDRO: Good den, brother.

DON JOHN: If your leisure served, I would speak with you.

DON PEDRO: In private?

DON JOHN: If it please you: yet Count Claudio may hear; for what I would speak of concerns him.     

DON PEDRO: What's the matter?

DON JOHN: [To CLAUDIO] Means your lordship to be married to-morrow?

DON PEDRO: You know he does.

DON JOHN: You may think I love you not: let that appear hereafter, and aim better at me by that I now will manifest. For my brother, I think he holds you well, and in dearness of heart hath holp to effect your ensuing marriage;--surely suit ill spent and labour ill bestowed.

DON PEDRO: Why, what's the matter?

DON JOHN: I came hither to tell you; and, circumstances shortened, for she has been too long a talking of, the lady is disloyal.

CLAUDIO: Who, Hero?

DON PEDRO: Even she; Leonato's Hero, your Hero, every man's Hero:

CLAUDIO: Disloyal?

DON JOHN: The word is too good to paint out her wickedness; I could say she were worse: think you of a worse title, and I will fit her to it. Wonder not till further warrant: go but with me to-night, you shall see her chamber-window entered, even the night before her wedding-day: if you love her then, to-morrow wed her; but it would better fit your honour to change your mind.

CLAUDIO: May this be so?

DON PEDRO: I will not think it.

DON JOHN: If you dare not trust that you see, confess not that you know: if you will follow me, I will show you enough; and when you have seen more and heard more, proceed accordingly.

CLAUDIO: If I see any thing to-night why I should not marry her to-morrow in the congregation, where I should wed, there will I shame her.

DON PEDRO: And, as I wooed for thee to obtain her, I will join with thee to disgrace her.

DON JOHN: I will disparage her no farther till you are my witnesses: bear it coldly but till midnight, and let the issue show itself.

DON PEDRO: O day untowardly turned!

CLAUDIO: O mischief strangely thwarting!

DON JOHN: O plague right well prevented! so will you say when you have seen the sequel.    

[Exeunt]

Act 3, Scene 3 a street

[Enter DOGBERRY and the Watch]

DOGBERRY: First, who think you the most desertless man to be constable?

First Watchman: Hugh Otecake, sir, or George Seacole; for they can write and read.

DOGBERRY: Come hither, neighbour Seacole. God hath blessed you with a good name: to be a well-favoured man is the gift of fortune; but to write and read comes by nature.

Second Watchman: Both which, master constable,--    

DOGBERRY: You have: I knew it would be your answer. Well, for your favour, sir, why, give God thanks, and make no boast of it; and for your writing and reading, let that appear when there is no need of such vanity. You are thought here to be the most senseless and fit man for the constable of the watch; therefore bear you the lantern. This is your charge: you shall comprehend all vagrom men; you are to bid any man stand, in the prince's name.

Watchman: How if a' will not stand?    

DOGBERRY: Why, then, take no note of him, but let him go; and presently call the rest of the watch together and thank God you are rid of a knave.

First Watchman: We will rather sleep than talk: we know what belongs to a watch.

DOGBERRY: Why, you speak like an ancient and most quiet watchman; for I cannot see how sleeping should offend: only, have a care that your bills be not stolen. Well, you are to call at all the ale-houses, and bid those that are drunk get them to bed.

First Watchman: How if they will not?

DOGBERRY: Why, then, let them alone till they are sober: if they make you not then the better answer, you may say they are not the men you took them for.    

First Watchman: Well, sir.

DOGBERRY: If you meet a thief, you may suspect him, by virtue of your office, to be no true man; and, for such kind of men, the less you meddle or make with them, why the more is for your honesty.     

First Watchman: If we know him to be a thief, shall we not lay hands on him?

DOGBERRY: Truly, by your office, you may; but I think they that touch pitch will be defiled: the most peaceable way for you, if you do take a thief, is to let him show himself what he is and steal out of your company.

First Watchman: You have been always called a merciful man, sir.

DOGBERRY: This is the end of the charge:--you, constable, are to present the prince's own person: if you meet the prince in the night, you may stay him.

First Watchman: Nay, by'r our lady, that I think a' cannot. By'r lady, I think it be so.

DOGBERRY: Ha, ha, ha! Well, masters, good night: an there be any matter of weight chances, call up me: keep your fellows' counsels and your own; and good night.

Watchman: Well, masters, we hear our charge: let us go sit here upon the church-bench till two, and then all to bed.

DOGBERRY: One word more, I pray you watch about Signior Leonato's door; for the wedding being there to-morrow, there is a great coil to-night. Adieu: be vigitant, I beseech you.

[Exeunt DOGBERRY] & [Enter BORACHIO and CONRADE]

BORACHIO: What Conrade!

Watchman: [Aside] Peace! stir not.

BORACHIO: Conrade, I say!

CONRADE: Here, man; I am at thy elbow.    

BORACHIO: Mass, and my elbow itched; I thought there would a scab follow.

CONRADE: I will owe thee an answer for that: and now forward with thy tale.

BORACHIO: Stand thee close, then, under this pent-house, for it drizzles rain; and I will, like a true drunkard, utter all to thee.

Watchman: [Aside] Some treason, masters: yet stand close.

BORACHIO: Therefore know I have earned of Don John a thousand ducats.

CONRADE: Is it possible that any villany should be so dear?

BORACHIO: Thou shouldst rather ask if it were possible any villany should be so rich; for when rich villains have need of poor ones, poor ones may make what price they will.

CONRADE: I wonder at it.

BORACHIO: Not so, neither: but know that I have to-night wooed Margaret, the Lady Hero's gentlewoman, by the name of Hero: she leans me out at her mistress' chamber-window, bids me a thousand times good night,--I tell this tale vilely.

CONRADE: And thought they Margaret was Hero?     

BORACHIO: Two of them did, the prince and Claudio; but the devil my master knew she was Margaret; which did confirm any slander that Don John had made, away went Claudio enraged; swore he would meet her, as he was appointed, next morning at the temple, and there, before the whole congregation, shame her with what he saw o'er night and send her home again without a husband.     

First Watchman: We charge you, in the prince's name, stand!

Second Watchman: Call up the right master constable. We have here recovered the most dangerous piece of lechery that ever was known in the commonwealth.

First Watchman: And one Deformed is one of them: I know him; a'wears a lock.

CONRADE: Masters, masters,--

Second Watchman: You'll be made bring Deformed forth, I warrant you.

CONRADE: Masters,--

First Watchman: Never speak: we charge you let us obey you to go with us.    

BORACHIO: We are like to prove a goodly commodity, being taken up of these men's bills.

CONRADE: A commodity in question, I warrant you. Come, we'll obey you.

[Exeunt]

Act 3, Scene 4 Another room in Leonato’s House

 [Enter LEONATO, with DOGBERRY and watchman]

LEONATO: What would you with me, honest neighbour?

DOGBERRY: Marry, sir, I would have some confidence with you that decerns you nearly.

LEONATO: Brief, I pray you; for you see it is a busy time with me.

DOGBERRY: Marry, this it is, sir.     

Watchman: Yes, in truth it is, sir.

LEONATO: What is it, my good friends?

DOGBERRY: Comparisons are odorous: palabras, neighbour.

LEONATO: Neighbours, you are tedious.     

DOGBERRY: It pleases your worship to say so, but we are the poor duke's officers; but truly, for mine own part, if I were as tedious as a king, I could find it in my heart to bestow it all of your worship.

LEONATO: All thy tediousness on me, ah? I would fain know what you have to say.

Watchman: Marry, sir, our watch to-night, excepting your worship's presence, ha' ta'en a couple of as arrant knaves as any in Messina.

DOGBERRY: A good old man, sir; he will be talking: as they say, when the age is in, the wit is out: God help us! it is a world to see. Well said, God's a good man; an two men ride of a horse, one must ride behind. An honest soul, i' faith, sir; by my troth he is, as ever broke bread; but God is to be worshipped; all men are not alike; alas, good neighbour!

LEONATO: Indeed, neighbour, he comes too short of you.

DOGBERRY: Gifts that God gives.

LEONATO: I must leave you.     

DOGBERRY: One word, sir: our watch, sir, have indeed comprehended two aspicious persons, and we would have them this morning examined before your worship.

LEONATO: Take their examination yourself and bring it me: I am now in great haste, as it may appear unto you.     

DOGBERRY: It shall be suffigance.

LEONATO: Drink some wine ere you go: fare you well.

 [Exeunt LEONATO]

DOGBERRY: Go, good partner, go, get you to Francis Seacole; bid him bring his pen and inkhorn to the gaol: we are now to examination these men.

Watchman: And we must do it wisely.

DOGBERRY: We will spare for no wit, I warrant you; here's that shall drive some of them to a non-come: only get the learned writer to set down our excommunication and meet me at the gaol.

[Exeunt]

***To Be Continue Act 4

SC: The Bright Woman/yahya/ari